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apocryphal tales

and real album sales

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Jill Stein
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Looking for an innovative way to promote a new album? Get an apocryphal tale, surreal review, surreal essay, avant-garde poem, straight-up review or avant-garde mention custom-designed to fit your album's feel, written by one of Stoning Roll's team of writers (all of whom are featured writers on tumblr).

Real album sales!

If you would like an apocryphal tale, surreal review etc. to help boost your album sales, there are THREE things you need to do. 1. Check out the "how we roll" area of the site to get information about different available kinds of review. 2. Once you have decided which kind of review best suits your music, select that sort of review and pay in the PayPal scroll-down menu. 3. Contact us using the form in the "roll over" (submit) menu item above, providing requested details about your music. Check out examples of apocryphal tales, surreal reviews/essays etc. below! These are provided to serve as rough guidelines to prospective customers as to the kind of review they can expect, upon choosing one or other review option.

 

Soley Mourning The Rocket Pool

The Case Of The New Album Title (excerpt)

 

Andy played the blues on a red guitar. “Is music really the food of love?” he asked himself. “I don’t know” he replied. It was nearly the time of the season. The children of the village had already laid out their lunch-boxes, impatiently listening to the sandwiches held captive inside, hoping to hear some news . . 

Beatles For Sale

Beatles For Sale

 

“Beatles For Sale” (December 1964) was The Beatles’ fourth album, following “Please Please Me” (March 1963), “With The Beatles” (November 1963), and most importantly, “A Hard Day’s Night” (July 1964). “Beatles For Sale” clearly marks the transition from cute mop-topism to . . 

Blondie

Eat To The Beat

 

Dreaming

In and outside of dreamscapes, over

subconscious marine events, neither flying nor removed

from flight, written words appear in time . .

The Who Rickenbacker guitar

Who’s Next

 

‘Who’s Next’ was released first in the U.S.A. in August 1971, and then in the U.K. later that same month. This, The Who’s fifth studio album, is widely regarded as one of the greatest rock albums of all time. It has achieved both critical acclaim and financial success . . 

The Jam Sound Affects

The Jam - Sound Affects

 

Paul Weller has stated that 'Down in the Tubestation at Midnight' started off as a poem. As early as 'All Mod Cons' fans were sending Paul poems, some of which Paul published in a fanzine. Paul has been influenced by poetry for a long time . . 

John Lennon and Paul McCartney

Lennon v McCartney

 

Please note that the following review of the album ‘Lennon v McCartney’ is a review of an album which does not actually exist in this world (although there are many possible worlds in which it does exist). The fact of the album’s non-existence in this world is beyond our control.

Joni Mitchell - Blue

Joni Mitchell – Blue

 

 

Towards A Theory Of Cymbalism

 

 

All I Want

 

A statement of desire. Let us begin by noting that words are not themselves the ultimate objects of desire; rather, we find that words are found wanting. What is it that words desire? Form, content, syntax, semantics, structure? Again, these words are not themselves the objects of desire – they too are found wanting. No mere symbol is the obect of desire of another symbol. As against this, it is our contention that words are cymbals, which desire to crash with each passionate heart-beat. That is to say, words that are found wanting have desires (not objects) as their object.