Guidelines regarding sitting down

 

1.0 Perhaps many among us are familiar with the following comforting phrase from antiquity: “Are you sitting comfortably? Then we’ll begin.” However, perhaps we are not so familiar with the alarming statistics concerning people who did not sit comfortably (thus holding up the proceedings) due to the fact that they sat down in an incorrect manner. This sort of lamentable scenario can be avoided with attention to some of the basic principles of sitting down, as follows:

 

2.0 Make sure that the piece of furniture or other object/surface that one has chosen to sit on is appropriately stable before attempting to ‘sit on it’ (see e.g. ‘The Fonz’, ‘Happy Days’, U.S. television 1974-84).

 

2.1 Ensure that one’s buttocks are suitably insulated from the surface one has chosen to sit on, e.g. with underwear and trousers/shorts, skirt/dress etc. Only professional sitters should attempt to sit down in the nude.

 

2.2 Ensure that the surface of your chosen seat or seat-like object is relatively flat. Attempting to sit on an inclined surface is likely to result in back injury and/or falling off the surface in question.

 

2.3 Ensure that the chosen seat is free of any obvious impediment which would be likely to cause discomfort and/or injury to one’s buttocks/anal passage. Such impediments may include but are not limited to broken glass, barbed wire, red-hot pokers, carving knives, killer ants, driver ants, angry bees, etc.

 

3.0 Once these basic precautions have been observed, the sitter is ready to commence the act of sitting:

 

3.1 Ensure that one is close enough to one’s chosen seat. Even if preliminary steps 2 – 2.3 have been diligently observed, the act of sitting down will not be successful if one is too far away from one’s desired seat. In most cases, one should be no more than a few inches away from the targeted sitting area.

 

3.2  Slowly begin one’s descent to the desired sitting area, bending one’s knees and directing one’s buttocks towards the target. Always be aware of the possibility that some ‘comedian’ may pull the target seat away from you once you have already initiated the process of ‘being seated’. If you begin your descent slowly, you always have the option to abort your attempt to sit, should this latter contingency arise.

 

3.3 Once one’s buttocks have made contact with the target seat/seat-like object, take a moment to ‘nestle’. Nestling involves inter alia ensuring that one’s weight is centered satisfactorily on the target seat, that one’s underwear is not acting in an unduly restrictive way, that one’s back is adequately supported, etc. If one or other of these or similar conditions are not satisfied, one may have to partially stand up, correct the problem, and sit down again. This is completely normal and nothing to worry about.

 

4.0 Always remember that the condition of being seated is a dynamic one, and adjustments will be required from time to time. However, if possible, one should keep such adjustments to a minimum – the ability to do this will come with practice.

 

5.0 Finally, sitting down when done properly can be very satisfying for the individual, or with a partner (group-sitting-down is also possible, for more advanced sitters).

 

Have a seat!